'Mirrors from the Soul' - My Journey - survivor's guilt

My Journey is a chapter in my storybook and it tells my journey. I truly believed I could publish the book with only the 25 enchanted stories, until some one asked me about the why. Why did I want to have this book published. What was my story to tell.
I told her that I survived cancer and suddenly I heard myself tell her that at times I could feel guilty. Guilty that I survived cancer. Esther made some beautiful video's where I share about me, me surviving cancer, and about the survivor's guilt. 
At that moment I realised I held myself back in not sharing about me being a cancer survivor. I hardly spoke about it, and the guilt that was beyond my not sharing. Then it became clear to me I had to write a new chapter for my book, called 'My Journey', and that is what I did.

I like to share a little part with you from 'My Journey'.

'There are times that I feel guilty. Guilty that I survived cancer where a lot of people I knew from the hospital didn't make it. Why me? Why did I survive? It's been called survivor's guilt and last year I realised that this feeling held me back from being open about the fact that I survived cancer. I felt very deeply I had to open up myself, and that is what I did by writing my journey. The survivor's guilt is an inner scar that can be touched from time to time. For all of you who have inner scars, I like to share with you my first written story called 'Inner Scars'. With this story I do wish for you to feel embraced, seen, heard, and please feel encouraged in knowing that you are not alone in having inner scars.

'Inner Scars'
My inner scars can be touched
By memories
Hearing a song
Seeing a person
Reading a book
Watching a movie
Even while making a fluffy toy
And they all take me by surprise'

The full story will be waiting for you in my book.
 

I like to share with you the video Esther made in which I share my feelings about survivor's guilt.

VIdeo made by Esther van Berk, - de visiegraaf -